Those Ah-ha Moments
Disclaimer: Work Wife Wine Time promotes the responsible consumption of alcohol. But don’t forget to celebrate if you’ve had an ah-ha moment so you can welcome it with a bang.
Rowena 0:34 So my, my aha moment kind of came from right from the start and it was a series of aha moments that built into a point about a year and a half later, where I just went, holy shit. So all those little things have added up to this giant thing that is having an impact on my business and that was an awareness of changing some of my beliefs. Step by step and actually breaking down all the bullshit that I believed about myself and stepping into myself in my business. You know, for a really long time when I was in corporate I squash down a bunch of stuff and I made myself smaller for other people, I made myself quieter for other people, I made myself what I thought other people wanted and in the process I killed my soul a little bit at a time it felt like. And when I went into business for myself I carried on doing the same stuff and sucked balls see anyway describe it like it literally just felt like the same shit. Well, why not? Why am I doing this for me when it’s it feels exactly the same. And slowly bit by bit, I I broke those things down. So the first one was, I looked at what belief systems I had embedded in myself that were holding me back from what I knew I could do awesome and Christ It was a lot of fear. But first one was my limiting self belief that I didn’t look a certain way therefore people wouldn’t buy into who I was or what I did. I didn’t have what I deemed to be the right look, the right decorum, the right all of those things to make it and so I did the scariest thing I could think of and that’s book in a brand photoshoot. Because I remember myself as a teenage girl, I had red hair, braces was superduper skinny, and freckles. And I just thought that was the end of the universe. And so I think there’s like a five year period but there’s no photos of me because I refused to let anyone take a photo of me because I just didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I didn’t want anyone to have proof that it showed up in a camera and was in a print forever. Like that just felt too much. And so when I did that brand photo shoot, and the photos came back for the first time in a really long time, I mean, I really liked what I saw. And I was really uncomfortable with that I was really uncomfortable like that wasn’t a sensation that I was one used to having or two didn’t even think I had a right to have in a way. And then when I went, you know what, that’s who I am. And I started making more and more steps. So some of it would be in the language. Like for instance, in my copy that I did in my business, I had that moment where when Gemma wrote my copy for my website, but it was so heavily based on how I spoke and the cheesy, goofy, quirky crap that I like, like dad jokes and puns and absolutely crammed in there. And when I read it, I went, that’s me.
And don’t get me wrong like all those little steps along the way. There was like, holy shit is anyone going to like this, is this like fuck is this going to work. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I feel so exposed. But every time I did it, my business thrived. Personally, I just felt like all the shackles had fallen away. I felt like for the first time since that free 10 year old girl before before the teenage girl that had all the like, body issues and like personal crap going on. It took me back to the eight year old girl that literally thought that the world was her oyster that, you know, everything was going to be amazing and everything was going to be happy and everything was just going to be successful. My life was going to be successful. I went back to that person I went, holy crap, I held myself back so much because of what I let other people think. And so I think my biggest aha moment is just not giving a shit what other people think. If somebody thinks something about me, one it’s even more about them. And two if it is about me. I’m sorry. You’re not my person.
Mikala 4:59 Absolutely
Gemma 5:01 That’s right.
Rowena 5:02 That’s about me, then Ain’t nobody got time for that. And it’s, it’s, it’s filtered through into everything. It’s not just my business. It’s my personal life as well. Like, I take this bullshit. I laugh louder, like I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life not pregnant, but I just don’t care. Like yeah, I’d like to wake up and have lost it magically tomorrow, but at the same time, my self worth, my value. All of those big important concepts around who I am is not tied to a number on a scale, how I look in a photo or what someone thinks of me.
Mikala 5:43 That’s awesome, preach!
Gemma 5:45 Amazing
Mikala 5:47 Mike drop
Rowena 5:50 But that that would be my biggest aha moment is just by breaking down and rebuilding yourself, you will see the biggest impact
Mikala 6:00 And that’s one of the things I love about you. Like if I need a sharp slap of reality, or an attitude or mind check, it’s like your the one I go to. It’s like this morning, we were saying.
Gemma 6:14 Who do you call? Rowena!
Mikala 6:18 I can’t remember what we were just talking about earlier, but you’re like, you’re not looking at your screen because I’m giving you the I told you so face. Like, yeah, exactly!
Rowena 6:29 I have a friend that I told, she was going through some really big fear stuff recently. And fear has been a huge part of all of those pretty much everything that those preconceived notions and belief systems were built around was fear.
Mikala 6:43 Oh, absolutely.
Rowena 6:45 And one of my friends was going through a moment and I could tell she probably should have called me two days earlier because she was getting herself worked up into a tizz. And she really put in the hard yards and I knew it and there was just so much and I said, one fear is just a sign that you care. Fear is just a sign that this matters. So if it matters to you, you’re doing the right thing, one. Two, fear is a little bitch. She’s sitting in the corner, she’s literally like imagine her like the mean girl from school, you know, the mean girl, or the person or something that embodied you know, the person that was feeding these belief systems like they were sitting there spouting in the corner. I said she had to imagine that person sitting in the corner of her room. And every time she felt that mean girl voice come on, literally stand up and go fuck you and like give the person the finger. Because it was powerful. She was just like, I actually have done that since every time I feel like the pressure coming down on me. I feel the dark clouds rolling in, the self doubt and all these things niggling I remind myself of all the positive steps I’ve taken, tell them like I said to her, even if it comes down to it just spurt off of that mean girl all the things that teenage you could not say to that mean girl? Just say it, get it out because once it’s out, you can move on.
Mikala 8:05 Absolutely
Rowena 8:06 Right? So yeah, my aha moment is fuck you fear and be yourself.
Mikala 8:12 That’s a good one. The coaching course that I’m doing at the moment. It often uses this image of like whenever you’re talking about your self doubt, it uses the image of okay, you’re driving a car and your self doubt is, you know, the annoying passenger. Like he’s sitting next to you in the in the passenger seat. And it’s like, you know, you just kind of going Yep. Okay. Your your opinion is noted, but I’m driving this baby and just sit down, shut up, I’m driving this thing. I’ll get us there.
Rowena 8:47 Yeah, yeah, it’s not like you’re driving a bumper car, you’re driving a car.The goal isn’t to bounce off the sides. The goal is to go from A to B. That’s it. How you get there doesn’t necessarily matter. It’s the same with this year like it’s been like a messed up year. Everyone knows that.
Mikala 9:04 Oh my god yes.
Rowena 9:06 But I keep saying to people that when they come to me and say those sorts of things I’m like, yeah, but think about flipping it. I’m not trying to be little Miss Mary Sunshine here or anything like that. But try to think what you’ve actually got out of it. Like what things you’ve learned about yourself what things you’ve learned that are important to you. Like, those are the things that matter. Not necessarily how you got there. Like, everyone’s going to miss a story to tell in some way, shape or form. That’s what makes each of us different.
Gemma 9:36 Mmmhmm – it’s our story. That’s what I love writing about. Michelle Obama would be proud.
Rowena 9:48 Is that why you liked writing about me so much? I had so much messed up stuff to write about.
Gemma 9:55 Maybe……. I mean I totally, I really relate to your story because I was very similar. But my biggest aha moment was doing for my business what I do over and over and over again, for my clients, you know, and when it comes to doing it for yourself. I don’t know I didn’t quite quite do it. But when it comes to target audience niching and I’m speaking mainly for service businesses, if you have a product, it’s a bit different. Products. in general are going to be nice to have a specific target audience depending on the product. But I did so many marketing plans and target audience strategies and creating avatars and things for businesses I worked with so they could niche down and work with the client they wanted to work with. And when I first went into my own business, I I aimed at the clients who I was used to working with, which was great. And it worked fine that I sort of come to this point from like, hmm, am I doing what I want to be doing in in my business? I’m sort of still running it in a way that I’m still in corporate almost. Um, but I got out of that for a reason. So why did I put myself back in it? So my biggest aha moment was I need to be working with the clients I want to work with. And especially when I started to work with both of you, oh I love doing this, you know, and you’re helping me with my business, I was helping you with yours. This this is what I want to do. I want to work with other female business owners like myself.
Rowena 11:48 Badasses
Gemma 11:50 Yeah, those businesses, be the badasses, be themselves, break the fears, work with who they want to work with us. That was my aha moment. Like, let’s do this for you, Gemma, what’s happening and it really well he did it completely raised my business and levelled it up because it was that, you know, but what if you wake up in the morning and can work with the clients you want to work with or do what you want to do every day. And I worked through and rebranded and created that and it just makes such a difference of working with the people you want to work with. So that that was my aha moment.
Rowena 12:31 I can tell when you’re working with someone that you love working with, that you get to be unbridled and fully creative. And you just go into this like, like you can just imagine Gemma just sitting there like rubbing your hands together like – Yeah. And who wouldn’t want to feel that every day. Niching down is scary, but at the same time. Think of all the crappy stuff you don’t want to deal with, right? And imagine removing all the crappy stuff. Like, imagine going, I love doing this. And that is what I get to get up into every single day.
Gemma 13:16 And as scary as it is, there’s nothing wrong with with changing your business model with with, you know, changing your marketing plan, your strategy, it can be done. Yes, again, it’s scary, of course. But it’s, it can be done that you can base a business on who you want to be working with, and it’s going to work for you. Because, you know, you are getting up every morning rubbing your hands together going yeah.
Mikala 13:46 And a business like a business is a living thing, too. Like it’s not that you find the thing that you’re going to do and then that’s the only thing you do forever.
Rowena 13:54 Boring!
Mikala 13:54 It’s like, just like us, it evolves as we do. As we learn more about ourselves and about, you know what we can do and what we can offer, then your business, you know, you go – oh, maybe I’ll try that. And so you give it a go and it works. And so you start moving in that direction. That’s the amazing thing about running your own business like you know, you can choose what you want to do and where you want to go.
Rowena 14:21 You are master of your own destiny.
Mikala 14:26 That kind of moves quite nicely into my aha moment, which is that I can do what I want to do in my business. I spent the last few years doing a bit of everything really, which is what I used to do, when I was employed. I never found the job that I really, like I always got bored in my jobs and which is why I did a lot of project work because I could jump into a project, immerse myself in it for 12 months and then move on to something completely different. Like start another completely different project. And so when I was in a longer term position, I’d get really bored. And so, you know, I was always doing what people want me to do. And I’d kind of extend the position in a way that gave me a little bit of interest, but still really wasn’t what I wanted to do. But it made the people I worked with happy and you know, it helped. And I was starting to do that in my business, not really doing what I wanted to do. Just, you know, people would go, I need this, oh yeah – I can do that for you. And for me, I got to the point where it’s like, you wake up in the morning and go, I’ve got a day full of work. I really enjoy the people I’m working with. but I really am not enjoying the things that I’m doing. And so for me, it’s been about really making a conscious decision on what I’m going to do and in like in that respect to what’s then having the clients come to me and having the conversation and me going, No, I actually can’t help you with that. But I’ve done some research and you know, this person can so I’ll connect you up with them. That for me was a big thing because I’m so used to going, like just solving people’s problems. They come to me and it’s like, I don’t really want to do it. But yep, it’ll help them so I’ll do it. But now it’s like I’m getting really clear and as I’m doing this coaching programme and everything, and you know, and with all the rebranding and everything, finding myself more in my business, injecting more of myself in my business, understanding myself more through the work I’ve done with you guys. I’m just I’m getting to understand what I enjoy more. And I’m getting that courage to step away from the stuff I don’t want to do. And to go Nope, this is what I’m what I’m doing now, saying no thank you to the stuff that just doesn’t make me want to doesn’t make me excited to get out of bed in the morning.
Rowena 17:01 Well make space for the stuff that means that you can take on more stuff that you actually want to be doing. Why fill things up? Why fill a space up just for the sake of filling up a space?
Mikala 17:11 That’s it! Absolutely right. And that’s what I was doing. And now, like, just in the last six months, all of these fabulous opportunities have come my way. And, I mean, thankfully, due to COVID, I had a, I had a drop in my work. And so that gave me the freedom to be able to take on these other things. Whereas if it had just been business as usual, I wouldn’t have been able to, or if I had have, I would have just stressed myself out and worn myself out, trying to fit everything in like, you know, working till 2am to try and do the things I don’t want to do plus the things I do so in that respect COVID’s been amazing for me because it’s given me that space to take on those projects and to get that clarity too.
Rowena 18:01 I completely feel that like, like I said to you guys, I’m booked out until October at the moment. So that’s like I’m booked out two to three months in advance at the moment. But if I’d just been taking on willy nilly jobs, if I’d just been really unfocused and and sort of in that scarcity mindset, then I wouldn’t have been in a space of looking forward I would have been just looking at now, whereas suddenly everything’s filled. You know, it’s it’s all stuff like I’m going to be working like a dog for the next few months. But you know what? I’m looking forward to it. Because every single one of those things is like YES – this is so exciting. This is this is the stuff I want to be doing.
Mikala 18:48 Yep, so it propels you out of bed.
Gemma 18:51 Mm hmm.
Rowena 18:52 You guys know I’m already like a bit like off the Richter scale with regards to enthusiasm. But I recently I’ve got that buzz back. Remember that buzz why we actually go into this stuff?
Gemma 19:06 Yes.
Rowena 19:08 Remember it? Remember the stuff where we had like hopes and dreams and, and like big wide eyed ideas and even we’re not in a corporate space we somehow moved away from that. One of the things for me is focus, like being blindingly clear on my values, what I want to achieve and how I want to feel on a day to day basis, that is the choice I have to get out of bed every day. I chose that stuff. I chose the path that didn’t leave and by owning that and then redirecting myself. I’ve made another choice. And then when things go good because of that choice, it was all me bitch – did it.
Gemma 19:48 That’s exactly what I did as well. When I had my aha revisited. I went back to the start, you know, I went all right, well, what am I going to do to rejuvenate this buzz and I did the exact same thing. I revisited my values, I looked at them, I’m like, am I honouring these values at the moment? And how can I shift that, how can I change that. And it just makes such a difference because business goes on, life goes on, and sometimes you you do move away from that, but I really think revisiting that, you know, making sure you’re still owning your values being true to them. It really does. It really does help and it does continue that buzz and you know, life does get in the way and sometimes you forget that because you just go on right?
Rowena 20:39 That’s what’s good having your tribe around you to remind you of that stuff. You know?
Mikala 20:43 Absolutely like, you guys have been so valuable for me in my mindset in the last week, like we’ve just had these little random short conversations here and there, but it’s like, man, I needed it, you know, like Gemma giving me a “right we’re doing this”, you know, whack with big stick the other day, like just “get it done.” Okay! And then Ro doing the “yeah I told you so – so now you actually gonna have to do that” right? It’s like – I need this!
Rowena 21:13 We’re not always we’re not just there for the like shoulder pats in the “go yous” we’re there for the bitch slaps as well
Mikala 21:19 That’s right if you need that – especially and especially because you know it’s winter it’s well you know in in the lowest states it’s cold and it’s dark and it’s miserable and you know poor Gem’s back in lockdown again. So you know trying to maintain that level of enthusiasm can be really difficult but having you guys say it again Okay, snap out of it. Just shut up and do it.
Rowena 21:47 I can give you the secret ingredient – sugar coffee – done.
Mikala 21:53 What about wine Hello.
Gemma 21:55 Yeah – hello!
Rowena 21:57 I think if I put that in the mix, right now I would go supersonic and end up on the moon or something
Mikala 22:04 I was at a women’s networking thing last night and at the end I was chatting to two other ladies. And we were talking about you know how because everyone’s working from home and how your wine time would kind of sneak forward a little bit. And we were talking about okay, so when it gets to like four o’clock you’ve got to make the decision: Am I going to be doing any more client work like cause one was an accountant so it’s like “do I need my brain to be really onto things? Or am I going to be like writing a blog post and being more creative?” And it’s, you kind of start sculpting your day around that so okay, from four to five, I’m going to be more creative therefore I can have a glass of wine.
Rowena 22:48 I don’t understand this time thing, like seriously, like this, this four o’clock? Like I thought we’d like managed to scrape it back to at least 12pm during lockdown. How’s that going Gemma?
Gemma 23:05 No, definitely not. If I was having a glass of wine at 12 I don’t imagine my 4pm would be much use.
Mikala 23:14 If I had a glass of wine at 12 I’d be unconscious by two like I’d be passed out having a Nana nap.
Gemma 23:22 Well it’s true. You could have a nanna nap and then get up and you know, continue your day from 5pm. Sometimes I write some of my best stuff in the night but I’m more of a night person. You know, again, the joys of having your own business. You don’t have to do your work in between nine and five in a cubicle or whatever. You know,
Rowena 23:41 No, you can do it at midnight watching, binge watching a new show on Netflix with your slippers on, a block of chocolate beside you and nobody to share it with.
Not that that’s happened personally to me.
Mikala 23:56 Not that we know any of this from personal experience.
Gemma 24:05 You know, sometimes a glass of wine does help get the edge off and especially if it’s something that you’re not so comfortable with doing but you know, but that lady you were speaking to, maybe having a glass of wine and for helps them be a bit more creative and let that guard down a little bit to write a blog being at bit…
Mikala 24:23 Oh no, that was me I was talking about. So I always leave my blog post writing to the end of the day.
Rowena 24:33 So it’s basically feel the fear or drink the wine or both.
Mikala 24:36 That’s, well, no, it’s not so much the fear. It’s like because I’m in problem solving mode all day. And I don’t want my blogs to be really technical because, like, you know, often with you guys, you’re like, Oh, I need to do this. And I’m like, Oh, well, all we need to do is in your bit and I start telling you and you’re like, No, no, no, no, no, when I say we need to do this, I mean, this is what I need to have happen. I just need you to go do all your techie thing and I don’t want to know what you’re actually doing. And it’s like, if the wine helps me get out of the techie mindset and get more into the like the more creative abstract so I can explain to you that a CRM is like a hat. Instead of getting into all the technical crap about how…
Rowena 25:23 CRM stands for this and you need to do this, and then you need to do this other thing. Instead it’s like: here’s your hat. Put it on your hat, let’s talk about your hat.
Mikala 25:31 Is it a sun hats or is it a beanie?
Gemma 25:37 On the opposite I if I need to do a little bit of tech adminy type, you know, stuff. Some what what have you maybe some Asana stuff or, you know, I leave that to the end of the day have a glass of wine so it’s a bit more fun when I’m doing it.
Rowena 25:57 I’m the opposite. I’m of the theory of eat the frog. You guys have heard of eating the frog?
Mikala 26:03 Yeah.
Rowena 26:03 Yeah. So I read the theory like, that’s like, I don’t want to do this thing. All right brain, you’re not allowed to do any of that other fun stuff until you do that one thing you hate, get it out of the way. And no matter what happens for the rest of the day, put a giant tick next to it. It will make you feel better. And you don’t have to think about that for a week or another month or whatever it is. Just get it done.
Gemma 26:32 I do that sort of thing as well.
Rowena 26:34 Yeah, it makes a huge difference for me because everything majority of everything I do is fun and creative these days like that joy of what I’ve built my business around, and so really easy to find other fun stuff to do.
Alright ladies, so for the people that are in their business at the moment and possibly haven’t experienced that aha moment yet. What pieces of advice would you give from your personal experience to how to keep moving forward?
Mikala 27:09 I think it’s actually what Gemma said earlier, get really clear on your values. Why are you doing this? You know, why did you decide to start your business? What do you want to do with it? What does running your own business mean for you? Is it freedom? Drilling down on that and getting really clear on that. And then using that to drive your decisions. Am I going to take on this job? Does it align with my values? Does it align with what I want from my business? Yes, awesome I’m doing it. No? It can be scary, but if it’s a no, then it’s a no, don’t keep taking on the work that doesn’t align with who you are and what you want to do.
Gemma 27:56 And I think going back to what Rowena said in embrace fear. As well if you’re scared of something, it means that it’s driving you, means that you, you care about it. So embrace the fear and just just go for it because not nothing good ever happens from being comfortable. If you’re fearing something then then face it and do it and it will be it will transform you. Absolutely.
Rowena 28:26 Yeah. I’m not sure about the comfortable comment because I’m not kidding you. I’ve got a pretty good groove going on on my couch while I watch Netflix. Good things come from that
Gemma 28:36 Come from THAT level of comfort. Yes.
Rowena 28:41 My piece of advice for moving towards you know, challenging yourself and things like that would be really anything like with what Gemma said, you know, it’s kind of a feel the fear and do it anyway, but a lot of people feel like that’s got to be big stuff. You know, it’s it’s not all the big giant leap stuff, it can be show up on an Instagram story. Like if you’ve got fear of, of showing your face, pick some baby steps. Take those conscious small steps because once you start seeing the results from the small stuff, you get more amped for the big stuff. It can be a big jump from zero to 100, but zero to one, one to five, five to 10 those small things make a difference. You know, for me, just looking inwards as well. Looking at the things that you personally holding you back and making some movements in those directions as well. It can be small things like, you know, maybe, maybe you get cranky at your kids every morning. I have no idea what I’m talking about on this one… But maybe making a conscious choice to try and find ways so that you don’t start the morning off in that space. You know, and then the rest of your mindset for the rest of the day. You’ve made a conscious change, but you’re also making a change that actually changes your whole world in a way, by making that tiny, small change, it can have a roll on effect. So yeah, look around about the things that you’re finding hard. and break it down, make some small conscious changes.
Mikala 30:20 And a quote I actually wrote down this morning is “on the other side of hard is confidence”. It’s like you said about, you know, that I know that’s one for me being in front of the camera, I hate it. So I need to start doing those little Instagram stories and that sort of thing. Build it up, get through it, get the confidence.
Rowena 30:43 Filters. Find some good filters, they like fix everything.
If you can rock up. But see like for instance though, here’s another example of a small thing that I do. Before I had all these, these excuses already built into why I wasn’t doing things. So I haven’t done my hair today, I haven’t done my makeup today, or I haven’t done this or whatever. So I flipped it. And I started doing my hair and makeup every day. No matter what, it’s no, that was not me for a very long period of time working from home, but at least I’m in a space where I feel like I could. And I still might not do it but at least and on top of that it’s encouraged me to go out more often to meet people, or you know, like so it starts to have other influences. So I would say don’t just look at it as a problem. Look at it finding like a little solution for it. You know, it may seem hard to do that thing, but break it down into a small thing. Why? Why is that thing hard? Why is it? I don’t want to show up in the camera because I look hideous. No, you don’t you just haven’t taken that little bit of time and found the right filter.
Mikala 31:50 That’s top of my to-do list for today. Thank you.
Rowena 31:55 It makes a difference, you know. Like, we’re all going to constantly be challenged, we’re all going to constantly have those things that scare the crap out of us. But by breaking it down into small steps, like for instance, taking my first steps out into the social media world scared me so much, but I broke it down. I did my research, I did a bunch of things. And I started to look at strategies around how to do that. Or writing my website scared the crap out of me because every time I stared at a blank page, it overwhelmed me. So instead, I started transcribing stuff. And talking into a microphone and getting it transcribed. You know, there’s, there’s a way around things that can help you step forward. And you might just suddenly get that moment like, far out. Yes, I can talk until the cows come home. We clearly have already established that multiple times. But I never thought I’d do a podcast like when I did speeches at school, I always did well, but I was always the funny speech person, not a serious speech person. And so I just wrote it off as something That I wouldn’t ever really do again. And now I’m running one podcast and am about to launch another one. Like, you just never know once you take that first step where it’s gonna lead.
Mikala 33:13 Yeah. So true. And can I just hijack the end of this because one other one other little takeaway that I just wanted to put forward is about finding your work wives. Or like I said, having you two this week to just go Okay, stop doing that. Start doing that. You know, I told you so! Like I said, I needed that that that really helped get me back into what I needed to do this week. So you know, if you don’t already have your work, wives, for heaven’s sake, go out and find them.
Rowena 33:50 Oh, hell yeah.
Gemma 33:52 Preach!
Rowena 33:53 Like, on my day. The other day when I was just super amped and I had so many things going through my mind. Old me would have got stuck in that cycle of going around and around. Instead I called Gemma, instead I called Mikala and I called my other friend I did this thing. And then suddenly all these balls are rolling. It’s like, oh, okay, cool.
Yeah. I don’t need to get caught up in it. And if I hadn’t had you guys to do that before, chances are, it would have taken me two weeks versus like, 24 hours.
Mikala 34:19 Exactly. Yep!
Rowena 34:23 Again, sugar and coffee did help, but you guys were pivotal in that in that equation.